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How to Be a Dominatrix - Embracing Your Inner Bitch    
 Welcome to Arena Blaze
 June 18, 2013

Travel with Bondage Toys
   
Reader Q & AHas anyone traveled with their bondage toys? I am looking to bring my submissive on a vacation and can't imagine going without my restraints, collars, toys, and attire. However, I am concerned about TSA and don't want to have any of these items confiscated. How am I expected to enjoy vacation without keeping myself satisfied?

Any advice? ~ Mistress Jill

 
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Height and Dominance
   
Reader Q & AI have a question obviously, but before I get into that....I just wanted to thank you so much for having this site :) It's been incredibly helpful to me as I begin to explore the world of femdom, and I'm grateful to you for such helpful resources. :)

My boyfriend and I were both virgins before each other, and while we both knew we had an interest in femdom even before each other, we are only just starting to explore it. We have a close, loving relationship, and live together. We are both interested in a more mild form of femdom that never involves pain. He is very good and willing to submit to me in sexual aspects despite being older than I am and holding the traditional male role in the romantic aspect of our relationship. That's how we both want it and we're an impossibly perfect match.

Now for the problem...
 
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Can you be both a Dom & Sub?
   
Reader Q & AI find that I want to be both a Dominatrix and submissive. ....Is that even allowed? Please let me explain. With my "Love" that I am with now, We have a lot in common. We both were abused when we were younger and cause of this both of us have secrets needs.... he likes to be dominated and I find that I love nothing more then smacking his sweet little behind and riding him hard with my strap-on just the way he needs when Ms. Beatty wants to come out and play (he he he). But I don't see me being a Dom to anyone else but him. There is a bond that we share because of our past.

But I have other desires like his to be spanked, and even though "my Love" will do anything to please Ms. Beatty he can't bare to hurt her.

Truth be told my fantasy is to have a bigger man then him dominate me.
 
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HEEELP - want to surprise him with his fantasy
   
Reader Q & AI am dating this guy that I was friends with prior to. We have had a few conversations talking about his fetishes and those sorts. Well, I went through his phone and found some conversations he was having with a few girls online, and it really got me interested. They talked to him like complete shit. As weird as this sounds, it turned me on. So I'm searching the mistress and domination thing and I want some examples. Scenes, things to say wear etc. I don't want to freak him out, however I want to completely catch him off guard he isn't excepting it because I'm a nice girl...:) I know he is into the financial dom and humiliation. ADVICE PLEASE
 
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Direction
   
Reader Q & AI am new to this whole world, I have someone in my life that wishes me to own him. He wants me to give him commands, I am very shy because I do not see this man as taking orders. He is the one who gives them, but he wants me to take control of him. I really want to give him what he wants and desires and I am happy that he has thought of me as the one to give it to him. I have purchased the boots, some outfits, stuff like that but he wants me to give him more communication. Please help I am having fun with this and him I would like to please.

In need of some help.
 
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Dominant-Submissive fiction is Number One right now
   
Reader Q & AThe current number one selling book at Amazon right now is about a Dominant/submissive couple. It's called, 50 Shades of Grey. Apparently we are finally getting the word out! While the Dom in this book is the male, there is still plenty to learn from this, and it will get your creative juices flowing (If you know what I mean!)
 
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Toilet Training, Mommy Play and Puppy Play
   
Reader Q & AMy man has asked me to research toilet training as he wants to do it lol. I don't really know much about it or what to do at all and I really want to please him and play with him. So, an you please help me with this and at least tell me where to go to find something to read on the subject. Also he is interested in Mommy play and I can sort of figure it out but I would still like to do some reading on it. Same thing for puppy play. Thank you for this awesome site.
 
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Brand Spanking New Domme
   
Reader Q & AI just found out my guy is really into being dominated but I'm such a sub that I would be happy to do this for him. Confusing to begin with, but aside from that I have no idea where to start. What should be punished? What should be rewarded? And which is what? Also how can you make having that kind of attitude less tiring? I know I'm asking for a lot but anything you can give me would be so helpful.
 
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New punishment ideas? - for long distance domination
   
Reader Q & AI am currently learning how to be a Dominatrix and have found a willing sub and I have to say I am loving it so far. I did not really have a clue where to start but found this site and read it all before beginning. I found it the most helpful thing to me yet, so thank you.

My problem is not only am I new, but my sub is as well PLUS he lives miles away from me. I have read the Q&As on long distance and telephone domination and am grateful for the help there. Can anyone offer anything further. Given we are quite restricted I fear the novelty will wear off and there is a chance I can put this into practice in person with him soon, so don't want to ruin it.
 
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Safe bondage in the bathtub?
   
Reader Q & AI have a bit of a fantasy about tying my sub up in the bath. He is pretty tall and our bathtub isn't massive so he can't lie down in it (only sit up) so this gives me confidence that he won't slip and drown.

But having never done this before I wondered if anyone had any ideas on making sure I do this safely. I was planning on tying his hands but what should I tie them to? The taps?

Have you ever tried this? Any tips?
 
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Text and email commands
   
Reader Q & AHello I'm new to the whole Dom and sub thing. I'm not sure how to go about commanding someone via text or email. How should I start off? He says he accepts my financial use and control and that he fully submits to me. He says he'll be completely focused on my pleasure and giving certain freedoms in order to serve my interests. Should I demand something of him, I have no idea how to start but I'm excited about his willingness to serve me.
 
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Teacher/Governess - student role play
   
Reader Q & AHello. I'm not even sure where start.. Thank you in advance for patiently reading. I met this guy and we got talking, one thing led to another and the next moment I was in his living room spanking him with a wooden ruler and wooden brush....Something I've never done before!

He wants to be treated like a naughty school boy and spanked for his wrong doings. After our initial encounter I mentioned to him that next time I'll use a riding crop to spank him on the bed and tie him up..but he doesn't want to be tied up...says it's too s&m and wants to keep things old fashioned...??
 
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Determining if someone is receptive to being a sub
   
Reader Q & AThis is a two-part question. First, I am 50 years old and know I want to exercise more power in my life, especially over men. Since this would be new for me, I would like to know how I would determine a potential pet's interest in belonging to me.

Second, I recently vacationed in Jamaica and met a very luscious 29-year old Jamaican man. I really want to make him my pet, but I'm unsure how to gauge his interest in this kind of relationship. In this specific instance, I would be dealing with cultural differences. I'm not sure if different cultures have different ways of expressing themselves. Would I do the same thing here as I would in part one of my question?


 
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Too cute?
   
Reader Q & ADear Mistress Blaze,

It seems every where I look, its the strong, sexy, streamlined, dominatrix. This is kind of an issue, because I am more in the cute, almost gothic lotia cute, zone. I know that there is no way on this earth I will ever be slave material, but is it even possible to be a... I don't know, a cute dominatrix? Is "cute and deadly" a no no?

Thanks


 
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I want a Servant not a Slave
   
Reader Q & AMy first steps in taking control:
I have purchased a "red rider" strap-on and taken his virgin ass several times... He is broken in and ready to accept more...
Every morning I insert a catheter and direct him to kneel as he swallows my "magic Nectar"... This is to remind him throughout the day that I am in charge...
I don't want him doing house work and have hired a cleaning service so that he may pay more attention to his Queen... I want a servant, not a slave...
If anyone would like to comment or give advise I look forward to reading and responding to your letters...
JR
 
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What Can I say?
   
Reader Q & AHe's into the whole humiliation thing and were both new to this, but we really like it!

I'm just not really sure what to say :/ I want to write a sort of script, but I have no idea what to say really. X
 
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Switches?
   
Reader Q & ACan a switch ever make a good Dom or Domme? If so, how do you make your transition from submissive to Dominant more smoothly?

So, in the past, I thought I'd be into domination, if anything... Then my S.O. (let's call him "E") had entertained some of what I thought were just pure fantasy incest fetishes... Then I realized, I didn't just want a daddy in bed, I wanted a Daddy Dom! So he did an actual scene with me in a hotel room one night. I had the BEST time in my entire life, and E enjoyed the *perks* (enthusiastic oral sex) but not so much the role he was playing... He also has issues that we're working on to make him more comfortable with the role and demanding sexual favors.

Then later he said he's interested in switching roles and trying it out. It's only fair that if he fulfills my submissive needs, that I would fulfill his! (Thus why I am here.) I'm not as uncomfortable with being dominant as he is. I'm starting to really enjoy planning what I'm going to do to E and make him submit to:) I think I might enjoy it almost as much as submission.


Thanks in advance for your input!
 
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Help! Trash talk input needed!
   
Reader Q & AI'm reading everything I can get my hands on about being a Mistress to my sub. he found ME, and has unleashed something in me that I knew was there but didn't knowhow to bring it out.This man is a dream come true....a complete sub...and I fully intend to make him my pet and to keep him at my side (or feet). He needs (begs) to be Dominated in every way. To be trampled, stomped on, smothered,punched, choked...humiliated. He is definately a massochist - and wants nothing more than to be mistreated and beaten. All of which I can do...and enjoy what it does to him, to break him down completely and at my command. To the vanilla world he is very much an Alpha-type... But knowing I can bring him to his knees with a command, with a look, that he wants nothing more than to serve ME, obey, worship every part of me...is SO EMPOWERING!

We have a connection thats electric! Emotional and physical, so its no surprise to me that the only thing I struggle with is talking to him and trashing him verbally. He craves to be told hes a worthess sub thats unworthy of any of my attention,except it needs to be crude, filthy, the dirtier the better.

Yes,I can cuss like anyone else! I can be dirty in my descriptions of what I want or want to do to him, but because I care deeply for him...the rest is difficult! I need advice! Anything to help me.with the right dialogue!! I posted this yesterday but as a reply...sorry!
 
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First time of bdsm might also be the last time
   
Reader Q & AMy girlfriend and I have been together for just under a year now, our relationship is quite serious, as in we are planning on marriage type of serious. We recently brought bondage and mistress play into our sex life (which consisted mainly of vanilla sex and her fetish of fantasy rape).

The first time we tried it, I was in absolute ecstasy, and couldn't get enough of it (its pretty much my biggest fetish now) and she seemed to enjoy herself as well. However, after 2 more sessions, she said that she was "bored" of being a mistress and no longer wanted to include it in our sex life. Obviously, this is VERY frustrating, and after getting a taste of the ecstasy of being dominated I can't just let go of it...

Is there any way to re-ignite her interest in femdom play? Any way to make her un-bored of it? Is it because she would rather be dominated by me (due to her fetish for fantasy rape)? How do I solve this?? I don't wanna lose my mistress!
 
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More sub then Dominatrix
   
Reader Q & AMy husband wants me to dominate him, now I have tried before but it never seems to work. Partly because he does make it challenging and I am more comfortable assuming the role of sub then Dom. I'm fine when we first start but then I get really nervous and insecure about what I'm doing. Last night I even tried your "Training Day" scene but he would only half listen to what I told him and for punishment he laughed. I will take any advise I can get. I just need help.
 
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Want him eating out of your hand?

Then get this book, "The Ultimate Guide to Talking Dirty". He'll want you so bad that he'll do ANYTHING.


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