Mistress Blaze - Become a Dominatrix RSS

Sub Getting Sassy - NEED HELP AND ASAP

Thu, 20 Nov 2008 17:00:00 -0600

Dear Mistress Blaze,

For the past few days, my servant or slave if you will... has been on the bossy side. What do you think I should do? I have done many things to remind him who he is talking to, but nothing seems to be working. He is still not minding. I am unsure what has brought on this behavior. What can I do to make it stick in his small mind that I am his Alpha, and he will respect me? Do you think he just wants more pain? Please help.

My Dear TexanDee,

There is nothing worse than a sassy sub. If he won't shut up, then you will just have to shut him up. Your sub sounds like a prime candidate for a gag. (Please use caution with a gag, and be familiar with safety tips.)

In addition to this, I would evaluate what has brought this on. Not knowing you personally, it's difficult to say eactly, but it seems likely that your sub is pushing his limits because he's getting bored or wants you to push him to new levels (of pain, punishment, bondage, or submission). So, show him something new, and push him to a new level only if you feel it's appropriate. Don't let this become an opportunity for him to start controlling YOU though.

If you're still getting nowhere, you might try withholding the things that he seems to enjoy from you. This is like a child being "grounded". It works. Unfortunately sometimes it also punishes you at the same time, especially if you really enjoy inflicting things on him - much like parents are punished when their surly teenagers are now stuck at home with them for the evening! But, discipline is extremely important and lessons must be learned.

I'd still stick with the gag during this type of withholding treatment, perhaps a ball gag. Handcuff him too, to keep him at bay. If he wants your attention, gag him and then ignore him. If he wants pain, don't give it to him. Instead, taunt him with his favorite flogger and show him what he wants, but don't use it on him. Pleasure yourself in front of him, but don't let him touch or have a tast. Keep him gagged so he can't mouth off, even if he wants to. If he wants anything at all, do not give it to him. And give him no explanation for why you have removed his priviledges other than, "When you show yourself to be worthy, then you will have your priviledges reinstated." Eventually he will go back to being obedient in order to have his mistress's attention again.

And when he learns obedience again, be sure to reward him appropriately.

~ Mistress Blaze ~

Punishment Questions

Sun, 09 Nov 2008 04:25:00 -0600

Mistress Blaze, I am very new at this, but slowly figuring it all out. I have a few questions. 1) When punishing your sub what other kinds of things do you do besides spanking? What are other safe ways to cause your sub pain? 2) Should I give my sub a name? How does that work? 3) How do you come up with so much confidence to do this? How can I show him that I'm not nervous? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- My Dear Mistress Allis, I'm so glad I can help. These are three wonderful questions. Let's see what I can do to help... 1) What are some other ways to punish a sub besides spanking? Tie him up, gag him, tease him with something he wants (like your body, or a spanker he wants), tickle him with a feather, grab his hair, make him kneel, make him do chores (my favorite), wrap him up in bondage tape, try some new toys on him (see my toy section of the website for ideas), collar him, lead him by a leash, make him dance for you, make him do what ever you want. Be creative. The list is endless. Other safe ways to cause him pain: hot wax, spanking with different objects - flogger, whip, hairbrush, nipple clamps (I'm not personally a fan of this, but some like it). You could also wax his legs, or his back, or even his privies. I'm sure some of our readers can come up with more. How about it, Ladies? Post some ideas. 2) Should you name your sub? If you want to, then yes. Many Dom/subs love to use special names when they are playing their roles. I know some who address notes or emails to their sub using their special names as part of playful bantor and to signal that it is part of special playtime that is to come. Special names also help you get into your role more, because you will feel less like your "usual" controlled outer self and more like the Bitch you have inside. If you're not sure how to go about chosing names, you could ask your sub what he would like you to call him. Or, you could order him to spend some time coming up with a list of suggestions from which you will choose one. 3) How do you come up with so much confidence to do this? How can I show him that I'm not nervous? Trust me. The person on the recieving end of the paddle (crop, flogger, etc) is *way* more nervous than the donor. And if you are truly nervous, then you must ACT like you are not nervous. He won't know the difference. In other words, you don't have to be confident, you just have to ACT confident. With experience, you will be. Another easy way for a beginner to get a little real confidence is to wear a sexy mask. People feel much more comfortable doing new things when they feel more "anonymous" in a mask. Just ask anyone who's ever been to Mardi Gras. And if you still feel like he sees you as nervous, then put HIM in a blindfold. Indulge, Enjoy... You're the boss. Don't let him forget it. ~ Mistress Blaze ~

Leather Dominatrix Outfit

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 07:19:00 -0500

Looking for a leather dominatrix outfit? You may be browsing for the real deal, or just looking for more of a costume for some fantasy play or Halloween. In any case, you want to look hot in your leather outfit and exude the power of the dominatrix that you are. Embrace that inner bitch, and wrap her in leather. Leather should fit tight, but not too tight. It has a little bit of give to it, and will conform to your body the more you wear it, just like a nice pair of shoes. Speaking of shoes, choose your shoes based on your choice of vinyl or leather and they will go a long way with many outfits. Leather is easy to clean, and holds up well under many conditions including sweat and oil.

You may prefer a bare-bones type of outfit consisting mainly of straps and metal rings, or you may choose more coverage such as a dress, or even a jacket type of leather dominatrix outfit.

I love to wear a nice leather mask at times as part of my outfit. It adds a new air of mystery to the woman behind it, and if you are dealing with (your) husband as your sub, it will help him to remove all thoughts of his "wife" (you) more easily. So will the light sting of your leather flogger.

As the Domina, you are in charge. So buy whatever you want. I recommend shopping for that leather dominatrix outfit at one of my two favorite stores:

Wicked Temptations and Hips and Curves

Creative Pet Dressing

Thu, 23 Oct 2008 10:20:00 -0500

Creative pet dressing .... and I'm not talking about gravy. ...although "Stove Top" tends to conjure up a few amusing images. Here are some different ideas...

Get a thong that says, "Property of My Mistress" or "Obedient"
Thong with a strategically placed hole - cut a hole for the thing, or not for the thing, but the things.
Dog collar
Rope
Perhaps a tail
Spank pants
Body Paint
Bondage Tape Yes. DRESS him in this. Be creative.
Pecker Leash. Put this little collar on his pecker and lead him around.
If you're going to accessorize, please begin with handcuffs! You can get them cold and metal, or soft and fuzzy, but you will need to keep those wandering hands under control!
T-shirts for every-day-wear that say cute things that only you and he will appreciate, and leave others wondering. Try one like this: "Obediant" or "Shehurts me and I love it"
Cock Ring
And of course -- Your panties. Maybe a bra too, if it amuses you.

The little boy in the picture here is looking rather tastey in that getup. That elastic looks particularly fun to snap. Although, he's got a look in his eye that says he's probably just a paid model and not a real submissive. What a shame. And he really needs those hands bound up. Perhaps he just needs a good mistress to show him the ropes.

Divas -- Please, leave a comment and describe ways you like to dress your pet! And, subs, you can speak up here too -- how would you like your mistress to dress you (if you had your wish)?

OMG Shoes

Mon, 20 Oct 2008 20:38:00 -0500

Let's get some shoes, Betch!

I mean, honestly, no Diva can totally dominate someone without some amazing shoes. This video from the Liam Show on Youtube always makes me laugh. It's an Internet sensation. I posted it below just in case you are one of the three people left on earth that hasn't seen it yet. (Warning: turn the sound down if little ones are present because the F word makes a loud appearance several times.) This HeShe featured in the video knows what she wants, and he/she wants it now. She wants some shoes, betch!

If you don't know where to begin for your "outfit", start with the shoes. They are your foundation. Build the rest of your look from there. Get what YOU want, not what you think he wants. Figure out what it is that it is that you want to say about yourself. They don't have to be comfortable. They need to kick ass. They need to scream that you are in charge. They certainly shouldn't be practical. Who want's a practical mistress? Certainly not me. And certainly not anyone who is willing to be dominated by you.

Your shoes need to reveal your inner bitch (or 'betch' if you prefer). You probably want heels. Stilettos. High ones. Very high. Give yourself a lot of height. As a Domme, you will feel more powerful if you can look down on your subjects. Better make them crawl around on their knees if you still can't get enough height on them. Nevertheless, the added height from your normal every day wear, will give you a good feeling of confidence.

Now, whether you choose boots or pumps is up to you. Think about what the rest of your outfits might look like. An investment in some good shoes will go a long way with many different looks if you choose carefully. Do you prefer regular leather or the shinier patent leather or vinyl look? Get both if you can't decide. A girl can always change her mind, you know!

Anyway, I always love to sing the catchy little ditty in this video whenever I am shoe shopping. Try it. You can't help yourself. ...... Shoes. Let's get some shoes!

Plus Size Dominatrix

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 06:17:00 -0500

Not everyone is a skinny bitch like the dommes portrayed on tv and movies. Most of us are real women. Big Beautiful Women. Women who don't deprive themselves in order to fit society's vision of what we should be. Your interest in this topic probably has more to do with clothing than anything else, so let's start there.

Clothing can be a special challenge for a plus size dominatrix. You can't exactly walk into the mall to find something off the rack. This is where the beauty of internet shopping comes in. I have found Hips and Curves to be a wonderful resource for the sexy big beautiful woman. Not only do they carry sweet sensual underthings, but they also have leather, vinyl and a few naughty things. And the best part is that most of it is available up to size 3X.

Next, Let's play up your strong points. It's not uncommon to wonder if you have any strong points when you are not society's prescribed version of beautiful. But trust me, you do. I am quite sure they include the following:

Your eyes -- Go to youtube and watch a few videos on eyeshadow techniques. You'll be amazed at what you can do with those georgeous peepers and a few bold colors.
Your hair -- Try a big wig if you feel you need more in the hair department.
Your hands -- Treat yourself to a manicure with long red nails.
Your fabulously large breasts -- show them off. Cleavage rules, and plus size girls have a major advantage over skinny bitches in this department.

Just be Real. Be a Real Woman who enjoys the finer things, who knows what she wants and takes it. You are in charge - So buy whatever you want..

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"

Wed, 15 Oct 2008 09:50:00 -0500

I have heard these words before, "I want my wife to dominate me!" or "How can I convince my wife to dominate me?". This occurs more often than many people realize. A lovely submissive type husband would really like his wife to dominate him. I am assuming for our purposes here, that this means he wants to be dominated in the bedroom. ...and I have the answer. He may make comments that he is open to the idea, but can't get her to really understand and go through with it. For example, here is a letter I received recently from a husband who is not alone in his problem of "how to get my wife to dominate me" --

Hi. I have been trying to casually convince my wife to dominate me, but she won't take the bait. Please help. I don't want her to think I'm weird , but I want her to accept it and follow through! I really want this so bad ! I would love to be dominated...

The problem is very obvious. He is casually hinting around at the idea. Of course she won't take the bait -- she doesn't know what he is really asking for. She may even think he's just joking around or flirting with the idea. This hinting type behavior is a very common communication problem in many marriages! One partner hints around, but never asks directly and specifically for what they need. For some reason, committed couples often think the other person is supposed to "understand them" which translates to "read my mind". Reality check people -- you need to just ask.

One happy wife told me that she would have NEVER initiated dom behavior in the bedroom if her husband had not just come out and asked her one day. She said she would have never thought her husband would enjoy something like that. It's hard for many women to imagine a 'normal' man wanting a woman to control him in any way. It's also hard for a woman who is normally very in control of herself and her own life to imagine anyone wanting to NOT be in control.

So suck it up, and ask. She can't read your mind. You're married, and you need to just be honest. And also remember, don't just ask -- be specific.

It's probably best that you have this talk when you are NOT in the bedroom. Do not spring it on her when you are both sweaty in the sheets in the throws of your normal foreplay routine. She will need a little time to think about the whole idea as well as get some ideas together in her head about what she is going to do.

Sit her down and talk to her - directly. No hinting! Make it playful. Say something like, "You know, I would really be turned on if we could do a little dominatrix/submissive role playing. Would you be willing to do that with me? Maybe tomorrow evening?" She still may hesitate a little because of her own lack of confidence, due mostly to the fact that she has no idea what she's supposed to do specifically. If so, recommend something very simple for starters, such as a blindfold.

Suggest something like, "I'd like you to blindfold me, and I will get on my knees and not be allowed to move or touch you in any way unless you specifically tell me to." A blindfold is an excellent way to start, because she will feel more confident if she knows you aren't looking at her. She may worry that you'll laugh at her, in which case tell her that you want to be punished even if you giggle without her permission.

If that idea sounds reasonable, then here's your chance to turn the conversation up a notch and tell her that some fuzzy handcuffs and a little spanker paddle would really be fun too. Suggest that you will provide these new toys, or maybe she would rather pick her own. She may wonder how much domination you really want and not know how far or where to go with it all. Assure her that it is totally consensual, and if she does anything you truly don't want, then you'll use your safety word, and that's how she'll know she's still on the right track.

You might also mention that this is not the ONLY way you'd (or she) would like to make love, just something you'd like to do once in a while (if this is how you really feel). Maybe you're even willing to switch roles and let her be the submissive occasionally. She may really like that idea too.

When you're having this conversation, make sure that certain things are understood:
1. One of you will take on a dominant role and the other the submissive. You will not switch during the scene.
2. You both understand that it is all by mutual consent
3.You will have a safety word to be used when something is happening that the other truly wants to stop, and you will both honor it. You will decide ahead of time what will happen when the safety word is used - whether it means the whole session stops or just the most recent activity.
4. You will both respect the privacy of your bedroom, unless you both agree it's ok to talk about it outside your bedroom or with others.

The happy wife whose husband finally just asked is thrilled that he did, and they have taken things even further with rope and fun outfits, and playful banter regarding her new "alter ego" who occasionally sends him notes telling him what she is going to do to him that evening.

Ladies -- If you are reading this and need convincing or if you think this type of request is "weird", keep reading. Some women are uncomfortable in this role at first, but then quickly find that it is a fabulous place to be. Traditionally you may have grown up in a man's world and think that a "real" man should take charge all the time. But truly, a real man is one who puts his own needs aside and serves others. He does it willingly and with full consent. This is all he's really asking for in the bedroom too. He wants to give himself over to you, and to serve you and worship you like the goddess that he sees in you.

Guys -- Good luck. If all goes well, you'll have the answer on how to get your wife to dominate you, and you'll be blind folded or handcuffed in no time.

Help with a Younger Man

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 17:49:00 -0500

I'm a 30 year old mom, with everything that comes with that title, and i'm dating a 23 year old who is in to kink. He likes pain once in a while, and i'm not sure what to do or how to do it. Can you give me some tips on what to do? I'm not sure how to go about doing it, and to do it right. So, if you ladies can help me become more than just an average women ....that would be great.

How To Be a Dominatrics (Dominatrix)

Thu, 25 Sep 2008 22:57:00 -0500

A quick dominatrics 'how to' guide. As in, "How to be a Dominatrics" Ok, for starters, if you're going to be it, let's learn how to spell it. You found this page because you searched for the term "dominatrics". The word is actually "Dominatrix". You can also use the term Dom or Domme (a feminine version). Some people even like to use the term "Domma" which is also fine.Be sure to use a capital letter. After all, it's all about us -- if you're number one, then you need to make sure your name or any reference to you is capitalized. Remember the opposite for your sub, because your sub doesn't deserve capital letters, not even for his name. If you just want to call him "slave" that's fine too. Call him whatever you want. Do it especially when you are writing him a little note, telling him where to meet you or what he is supposed to wear or do.

OK, so 'how to':

1) Begin by reading everything you can on the subject. Learn as much as you can to get yourself fully into the right frame of mind.

2) Purchase a few props and articles of clothing .. Have I mentioned how much I LOVE shopping? (check the column on the right of this page for shopping links)

3) Develop your attitude. Don't be wishy washy. Make a decision and stick to it. Or change your mind if you wish, but don't go back and forth. Focus on the fact that you are in charge, and your way is the only right way. Period.

4) Begin with a plan or a "scene". Try one of the beginning scenes that we have described on this site, particularly the Training Day scene. These scenes are great for beginners because it gives you step by step suggestions on what to say and do.

4) Continue to visit us for more ideas. Start by visiting any of the topics below... Let your imagination run. Let your inner bitch flow... Enjoy!

�TOPICS:

From The Servant's Quarters: The Insecure Sub

Fri, 19 Sep 2008 00:01:00 -0500

Security...it's not just for banks anymore.

The relationship between a Domme and a sub may seem fairly simple. One does the hurting, the other takes the pain, but what makes it work? The Mistresses have talked a lot on this site about how to be a Domme, and they've asked me - on pain of torutre, of course - to talk a little about what goes on in the head of a sub during a scene. After all, knowing what your sub is getting out of the scene is a great way to make it better - or worse - for them.

I know a sub who wears a small piece of natural hemp rope on her ankle at all times. Her Master makes her wear it as a reminder that he is thinking about her, and that he is her security blanket. She says that the feeling of her lover's hands pulling the ropes tightly around her body is like being embraced by him, and it is a feeling that she can't wait to experience.

On the other hand, I know a Domme who was inducting a first time sub. She set her scene, and began tying her sub only to have the sub freak out at the first sign of tension. Unfortunately for the sub, the set-up did not include the Safety Shears that should ALWAYS be a part of setting up a bondage scene, and the sub injured herself during her moment of panic. Needless to say that was the last time the sub ever allowed herself to be put in that situation.

Being a sub is a "claustrophobic" experience. Especially if you are tied up. There is a feeling of being enclosed, pressed in on, and for some subs that feeling means security. Even if rope isn't your thing, the security of having your safety in another person's hands, and knowing that they will take care of you if something goes wrong makes you feel safe and protected. Even if that other person is using your body for their own pleasure.

Obey...it's easier.
(sj)

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