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How to Be a Dominatrix - Embracing Your Inner Bitch    
 Welcome to Arena Blaze
 October 25, 2014

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
The Art of AuthorityI have heard these words before, "I want my wife to dominate me!" or "How can I convince or get my wife to dominate me?". This occurs more often than many people realize. A lovely submissive type husband would really like his wife to dominate him. I am assuming for our purposes here, that this means he wants to be dominated in the bedroom. ...and I have the answer.

He may make comments that he is open to the idea, but can't get her to really understand and go through with it. For example, here is a letter I received recently from a husband who is not alone in his problem of "how to get my wife to dominate me" --

Hi. I have been trying to casually convince my wife to dominate me, but she won't take the bait. Please help. I don't want her to think I'm weird , but I want her to accept it and follow through! I really want this so bad ! I would love to be dominated...

The problem is very obvious. He is casually hinting around at the idea. Of course she won't take the bait -- she doesn't know what he is really asking for. She may even think he's just joking around or flirting with the idea. This hinting type behavior is a very common communication problem in many marriages! One partner hints around, but never asks directly and specifically for what they need. For some reason, committed couples often think the other person is supposed to "understand them" which translates to "read my mind". Reality check people -- you need to just ask.

One happy wife told me that she would have NEVER initiated domme behavior in the bedroom if her husband had not just come out and asked her one day. She said she would have never thought her husband would enjoy something like that. It's hard for many women to imagine a 'normal' man wanting a woman to control him in any way, much less in a way where wife dominates husband. It's also hard for a woman who is normally very in control of herself and her own life to imagine anyone wanting to NOT be in control.

So suck it up, and ask. She can't read your mind. You're married, and you need to just be honest. And also remember, don't just ask -- be specific.

It's probably best that you have this talk when you are NOT in the bedroom. Do not spring it on her when you are both sweaty in the sheets in the throws of your normal foreplay routine. She will need a little time to think about the whole idea as well as get some ideas together in her head about what she is going to do.

Sit her down and talk to her - directly. No hinting! Make it playful. Say something like, "You know, I would really be turned on if we could do a little dominatrix/submissive role playing. Would you be willing to do that with me? Maybe tomorrow evening?" She still may hesitate a little because of her own lack of confidence, due mostly to the fact that she has no idea what she's supposed to do specifically. If so, recommend something very simple for starters, such as a blindfold. (and send her to this website too to check out the Training Day scene).

Suggest something like, "I'd like you to blindfold me, and I will get on my knees and not be allowed to move or touch you in any way unless you specifically tell me to." A blindfold is an excellent way to start, because she will feel more confident if she knows you aren't looking at her. She may worry that you'll laugh at her, in which case tell her that you want to be punished even if you giggle without her permission.

If that idea sounds reasonable, then here's your chance to turn the conversation up a notch and tell her that some fuzzy handcuffs and a little spanker paddle would really be fun too. Suggest that you will provide these new toys, or maybe she would rather pick her own. She may wonder how much domination you really want and not know how far or where to go with it all. Assure her that it is totally consensual, and if she does anything you truly don't want, then you'll use your safety word, and that's how she'll know she's still on the right track.

You might also mention that this is not the ONLY way you'd (or she) would like to make love, just something you'd like to do once in a while (if this is how you really feel). Maybe you're even willing to switch roles and let her be the submissive occasionally. She may really like that idea too.

When you're having this conversation, make sure that certain things are understood:
1. One of you will take on a dominant role and the other the submissive. You will not switch during the scene.
2. You both understand that it is all by mutual consent
3.You will have a safety word to be used when something is happening that the other truly wants to stop, and you will both honor it. You will decide ahead of time what will happen when the safety word is used - whether it means the whole session stops or just the most recent activity. Please check the Safety Suggestions as well.
4. You will both respect the privacy of your bedroom, unless you both agree it's ok to talk about it outside your bedroom or with others.

The happy wife whose husband finally just asked is thrilled that he did, and they have taken things even further with rope and fun outfits, and playful banter regarding her new "alter ego" who occasionally sends him notes telling him what she is going to do to him that evening.

Ladies -- If you are reading this and still need convincing, or if you think this type of request is "weird", keep reading. You probably got here by looking for answers to "my husband wants me to dominate him" and are trying to figure it all out. Some women are uncomfortable in this role at first, but then quickly find that it is a fabulous place to be. Traditionally you may have grown up in a man's world and think that a "real" man should take charge all the time. But truly, a real man is one who puts his own needs aside and serves others. He does it willingly and with full consent. This is all he's really asking for in the bedroom too. He wants to give himself over to you, and to serve you and worship you like the goddess that he sees in you.

Guys -- Good luck. If all goes well, you'll have the answer on how to get your wife to dominate you, and you'll be blind folded or handcuffed in no time.


Still need help?  Try the Mistress Manual or Rock His World with a Leather Outfit

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"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: MARRIED MAN 27 on November 06, 2008

I got a cock locker - I think that's what its called. My wife agreed to it and she will have the only key. I'm super sexual and she isn't. What if she wont let me play with it for a long time? Will I lose the urge to play with it? We have been married 5 yrs and sex is great. I just want her to be 100 percent in control and anal hurts to much. Will this help our relationship or not? But if she demands on using it for long periods of time, I'm scared I'll never get to have those late nights by myself anymore.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: thunderbolt on February 26, 2009

I always wanted my wife to dominate me. I noticed early on in our
marriage that she had some dominating tendencies: the second date we
had she was spanking me in a fun but firm way, she liked to play with
and pinch my nipples- hard. I ended up telling her in a roundabout way
that I liked those things. Eventually she started controlling my orgasms-
telling me when and how often I could have one, started holding me
down during sex and delaying... I mentioned bondage and we slowly
introduced that now. She cuffs me, stuffs my mouth with a rolled up cloth
and does whatever she wants but won't allow me to control the action.
Sometimes she lets me climax, sometimes not. Her latest thing is that
since I am always wanting sex, she gets on top of me for 30 seconds
and stops. She says if I behave I'll get another 30 seconds tomorrow.
And after 4 days of that, I MIGHT get 5 minutes!

My point is that has come to really enjoy her power and control. And we
eased into it in a way that she wanted with a little prodding from me but
not so much really. I asked her is she likes teasing me or controlling me-
she answered, "Both". That gave me an instant rock hard erection!

Lastly, I will tell you all that we often talked about things I wanted her to
do during sex. I recommend bringing this topic up during sex. It seems
both are open and into that kind of talk at that time. It worked for us.
Good luck and have fun!

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: blackcherry on May 04, 2009

My husband has hinted that he would like some domination, but I dont feel so confident. Reading how to go about it step by step ,starting off with the blindfold seems like a great idea. Thanks for tips :). And YEs husbands we cant read your mind we want a menu ;)

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: princesskiwi on July 26, 2009

my husband wants me to dominate him for his birthday, but i am a VERY submissive individual. i am stubborn, and for the most part i wear the pants in our relationship, but i prefer to be a follower rather than a leader.
However, i DO want to please him for his birtday. he wants me to hit him, hurt him, call him names- all things i am uncomfortable with but REALLY want to do for him.
Is there any way i can learn to be mean in bed? Especially in short notice, his present is tonight...

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Crazy_Evil_Bitch on April 25, 2010

Princesskiwi.......Honey you can do it. First of all you are stubborn!! That's awesome. That's a big thing for being a female dom. You have to make him do what you want him to do and stick to it! Plus you wear the "pants" in your relationship, that's good to, you're used to "bossing" him around. You have it in you, and you just need to try it!!!

It took me OVER 2 years to find out what we both like. Just be open about EVERYTHING. The main thing is sit down and talk about it.

See, I didn't know my husband wanted me to be the Dom until I spanked him one time and he moaned REALLY loud! lol That's what started it, and now I have him "collared". He is my quot;bitch boy". That's what I call him. I never thought I would love doing this, but I do. But if you have ANY Q's please feel free to email me so we can talk, or if anyone wants to talk. I'm very open person.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Mistress Athena on June 22, 2010

My husband has a million domination fantasies. The problem is that he wants them all at once! Or, the problem is that if he brings one up and I act on it, that he is disappointed that I didn't incorporate 99% of the other shit that is running through his head. I don't know what to do.

For example:

A few days ago, he brought up the idea that he would like to be in some form of bondage and forced to do housework. So, today, we figured out how to loosely shackle his legs and arms, and yet leave them able to move enough to clean. This entailed padlocking all of the restraints on his wrists and ankles, as well as using bike lock cable to connect his arms to his neck and limit movement. His legs were connected enough that he could shuffle, but not really walk.

So, the fantasy went well. In addition, he has been in a chastity device since yesterday, and I spanked his ass occasionally during the event, as well as continually telling him what to do and how to do it. Tomorrow, I was trying to think of things that we could do in public, as we are going to be in a bar with friends for the USA soccer match at 4pm (we are in Europe). Obviously, the chastity device would be a good idea, except for that my husband has soccer practice afterwards and will have to be freed from whatever we put him in. That is actually not the problem...

Apparently, the problem is that I am not creative enough in the fulfillment of his fantasies... that in order for him to be satisfied, that I would have to not only do the things he told me about, but also a million other things at the same time that he didn't mention. Or, in the case where he scripts out the whole thing and I perform flawlessly, he is left feeling unfulfilled because he scripted it.

Basically, he was having a pity party tonight because I wasn't doing enough. He wants me to read his mind. No. Actually, he wants me to be more creative than he is in imagining scenarios and fantasies. Well, that isn't going to happen. I am kinky. I enjoy dominating him. But fantasizing about it doesn't take up every free second of my life like it does him. That is a basic difference between men and women.

So, I need help. No matter what I do, it isn't enough. No matter how far I take it, it fails in comarison to the scenarios that endlessly play out in his head day and night. I'm at a loss.

Have you experienced this with a sub or is it just me? Any ideas?

Mistress Athena, The Queen of Heaven

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: PPboy on October 06, 2010

It became clear to us that our sex life had become routine. I asked my wife to consider with me ways to perk things up again. In the course of the conversation I asked her to think about CFNM. She agreed to the idea and said "Lets try it on Saturday night after dinner".

Saturday night came and the wry smile on my wife's face during dinner was a clue that she had a few definite ideas for the evening. I finished my last forkful and she stated "Get nude, it's after dinner!" I left the dining room and went into the bedroom and stripped. When I returned to the dining room my wife told me to clear the table and wash the dishes. She stood in the kitchen doorway and watched me wash, dry and put the dishes away. Then her comment was "Join me in the bathroom, I'd like to shave your all of your pubic hair off". I was taken back, I had no clue she ever considered a thing like that. However I did what I was told and stood in the bath tube while she quite deftly shaved my pubic region as well as my scrotum totally bald. "Have a shower and make sure to wash away any shave cream and join me in the bedroom". I did and when I passed through the bedroom door she told me to lay on the bed and masturbate for her. I started to stroke when she mentioned that I should not be afraid to entertain her by really getting into it. She moved from her chair and sat on the corner of the bed and mentioned that we should have thought of this a while back, she liked how the evening was making her feel, and that she was going to call me "Jerkoff" for the rest of the evening. She started to tell me how to stroke and not to neglect my balls either. "Ask permission!" she stated when my balls tightened and my breath quickened. I said "May I", to which she tersely replied "May you, what?". "May I Cum?", "whom are you asking?", "Mistress, may I cum?" I asked and was told "Yes, Jerkoff, Cum all over your stomach for your Mistress!". A few moments later I did, and I was told to clean my skin up with my fingers and to swallow all the sperm. The look on her face told me she was serious, so I licked my fingers clean and swallowed. It was the first time I ever tasted cum. I sat up in bed and asked for kleenex to catch the rest of the fluid. I was told not to waste it and to lap up and swallow any remaining semen.

That, of course, was our first night, two years ago. My wife has grown more into the roll since then, and our weekends have become her time to dominate and control me.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Webmistress on October 08, 2010

MEEOWW ppboy! Good work. Welcome.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: PPboy on January 02, 2011

This is a quasi followup to my last post here on arenablaze.

In the two or so years since we started a Domme and sub relationship our marriage has improved.

The first thing I noticed happening is the level of our trust for each other has gone way up. I can talk to my wife openly on subjects that I once was not sure about bringing up. And we have become a true confidantes for each other. We are each others true best friend, we are fuller and better partners in life as well as in marriage.

What we once began as an experimental basis to perk up our sex life. Has become our lifestyle. I still have things in our marriage that are my department, that's only reasonable. But when it comes to any sexuality I have no say so at all. It's all my wife's opinion and under her control. I'm not even allowed to masturbate with out her permission. And she refuses to let me masturbate unless she is watching. It all part of being open with her.

Between the right people sexual domination is a positive and progressively enhancing variation. The basis of which is a real and open trust in each other.

If you want your wife or girlfriend to dominate you you must first have a high degree of pure trust in her. Otherwise neither of you will gain from it the experience that you truly desire.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: subguy on January 08, 2011

Just discovered this site by accident and found this post particularly interesting. I think it offers excellent advice, as I had to go through a similar thing with my girlfriend. We have been going out for almost 3 years now, she is the type of girl that most people would describe as sweet and innocent, very caring, and generally an all round nice person, exactly the type of girl I want to be with. I've had the desire to be dominated for quite some time, and really wanted her to do this with me, but I was so nervous about talking to her about it, mainly because of her good nature, I found it difficult to believe that she would ever have it in her to take control in the way I desired. I could not have been more wrong!!

Just like this article suggests, we did start off slowly, and our first few sessions were fairly tame, she seemed to have fun tying me up and taking control a bit in that way, but she was far too playful with it, and she didn't really want to spank me very much either. We discussed it a bit in more detail, and I explained a bit more about what I was looking for, and also directed her to a few websites. It was much easier talking to her about it the 2nd time after a few initial sessions, and I put no pressure on her to actually do it, it was her descision as to whether she would be comfortable with it.

Well, it certainly did the trick, she got on the internet and started researching things and very quickly got into it. She brought some amazingly sexy outfits to wear, and it didn't take too long for her initial hesitance to spank me to disappear, as the spankings certainly began to hurt. Over what seemed like a relatively short space of time, she became a total bitch in the bedroom, and it was the hottest thing ever, more than exceeding any expectations I had of her.

After a little while she even expressed a desire to me to switch roles a little too, although she certainly doesn't want to take the sort of punishments she dishes out to me. She certainly prefers to be in control more than being submissive, but during the times she is submissive to me, I do have a lot of fun with her. Because she isn't into the discipline stuff as much as me (although she does get this sometimes), I decided to do "slut training" with her, which has been so much fun for me. She is far from slutty, but it's been a massive turn on to take advantage of her like this, and I have even managed to get her to go out to bars with me dressed in slutty clothes too, which is totally out of character for her, which is what makes it so exciting.

Anyway, back to when she is in charge. The biggest shock for me so far came last year, when she somehow managed to talk me into trying chastity. It was never something I had a desire to try, but she clearly has some power over me to agree to do it. It has turned out to be one of the most frustrating things I have ever tried, but at the same time one of the hottest! Because we switch roles sometimes, she has done the chastity thing in stints, the longest so far being 4 months of her being in total charge of my orgasms. Unfortunately for me, it would seem that she enjoys making me suffer between releases by making me wait a long time, sometimes I only have to go a few days (even that seems like a long time though), but she often makes it more than a week, and has on a couple of occassions made it around the 3 weeks mark. Whilst being made to go this long is really frustrating, she definately enjoys herself, and is certainly even bitchier with it, she is incredibly controlling and manipulative, and it is seriously hot!

Best thing about all this though, is that none of this has changed her as a person. She is still the sweet caring girl I first met at all times when we are not roleplaying, I'm just incredibly lucky that she now transforms into this totally different ruthless bitch whenever she desires.

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: QueenVictoria on March 19, 2011

I love this topic !!! When my mate suggested this to me, I have to admit that it threw me back and caught me off guard !! But after I let myself be open to the idea I loved it ! We are still new at it and I am still learning but it's topics like these and websites like these that are so helpful !!!

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: tryingtobeabitch on May 10, 2011

My hubby of 5 years has recently disclosed to me that he is really
wants me to dominate him, we have played with cuffs and tape,
but I think he wants to me to be a bit hardcore!

I find it tough to do these things for him, its really not me but I
really want to please him.

Loving all the articles and tips, very helpful for a new bitch like
me. Poor hubby, he has a shock coming!

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Roselynwhips on July 03, 2011

Hi I'm the wife that has only done one guy and never tried to over
take anyone.... Is it possible for someone like me to be a

Married for two years

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: SUBWANNABE on July 06, 2011

I got my wife to try the Mistress Sara thing a couple months ago. I was ready for anything. She seemed to enjoy leaving me notes commanding me to do and wear things. A couple of times I was tied and commanded to eat her. When she was done with me, she left me tied and horny. She didnt touch it or allow me to. A short time later, she untied me and commanded me not to touch myself. I had to wear thongs or ball rings all day, etc. It was great. After a few weeks, she did less and less. Please tell me how to get things going again...

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: LadyWlada on July 21, 2011

Dear Mistress Athena, my partner (mayby ex- partner now)gives me the some reactions, all excited, happy, expecting fun and something to happen, and half thrue the play I can sense disatisfaction, coldnes and generaly- disconnection. I get so frustrated, there is no hint of any kind what I do wrong. I love to be the Goddes I am and I am just going to look for a new slave (we have been together for 7 years) it is not easy, but is there any other solution?

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Deb on September 25, 2011

You are letting Him be in control.
That is your role. Order him to keep
His fantasies to himself unless you ask
for them.
If he wants you to dominate, then dominate.
What can help is once a week have him
write down 5 things he liked about the
previous week and 5 things that could
make it better. Use his ideas or not
Remember you're in charge.
A good punishment if he continues
to complain is to pick a thing he
wants to do and let him know you
will not do it as he was disobedient.
Good Luck

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: Fiona on December 14, 2011

My husband wants this really bad, and he's been asking me for it for a few years now. I'm naturally submissive in bed and it's really hard for me to Dom for him. I don't think it's weird or anything, I just don't enjoy doing it. I don't enjoy watching him like that, I don't enjoy giving orders, and I don't enjoy the whole being "worshiped" thing.

I've done it a few times for him and hated it every time. It's so mentally draining, too, that even the idea of doing it tires me. How can I change this so I can do this for him? Is there any way to change my approach maybe, like pretending I'm acting on a stage or something? Should I make a script for myself and just push through?

One thing I DO like about it, though, is the costumes. I love the costumes!

"I Want My Wife to Dominate Me"
Authored by: PPboy on July 29, 2012

Since my wife and I have established a domme and sub relationship within our marriage, we have grown within ourselves and have learned what this culture means to us.

I can admit to the readers here that she makes me wear stockings while masturbating for her. Wearing them confirms and underscores my submissiveness to her. As we have grown more comfortable as a dome and sub, I have gained more and more enjoyment from pleasing her.

At first I was unsure about putting on stockings. I was nervious and felt quite voulnerable about it. But I did what I was told and put them on. With the passage of time I can admit that I have grown to enjoy wearing stockings for my domme wife. We go to the store in the knowledge that they are for me and I dopn't mind mentioning to the sales clerk that they are for me. I get pleasure making sure my wife's requests are met.

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