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How to Be a Dominatrix - Embracing Your Inner Bitch    
 Welcome to Arena Blaze
 September 03, 2014

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
   
The Art of AuthorityThe wikipedia definition of safe word is as follows:
A safeword is a codeword or series of codewords that are sometimes used in BDSM for a submissive (or "bottom") to unambiguously communicate their physical or emotional state to a dominant (or "top"), typically when approaching, or crossing, a physical, emotional, or moral boundary. Some safewords are used to stop the scene outright, while others can communicate a willingness to continue, but at a reduced level of intensity. Safewords are agreed upon before playing a scene by all participants.


Please don't think you are "above" having a safe word. It is for your own protection, as well as that of your sub. It is not a sign of weakness to have one, nor it is a sign of trust to not have one believing that you know each other's limits implicitly. It's also a great device to give security to many of the new Dommes who come to this website seeking confidence or who worry about hurting their partner. Having a safe word and practicing it often, will give you a lot of the confidence you seek. You'll feel secure knowing that your sub wishes to continue and that he doesn't really mean it when he's begging you to stop like a baby.

With a safe word in place, during your scene your sub can scream "no", "stop", "you're hurting me" all he likes as part of the scene, without really meaning it or without seriously meaning for you to stop. So, the safe word needs to be a word that neither of you would ordinarily say during sex or during a domination scene.

Make the Rules
First, decide together what your safe word means. Does it mean that the scene stops entirely? Or does it mean that just the current activity stops? Establish what it means, and then practice the word a few times so that you don't forget it!

Next, at the start of every session, remind your sub of the safety word, or better --- ask him to repeat it for you to insure he knows it. "What's your safe word?"

Choose Your Safe Word
Now, what to choose as a safe word. Here are a few ideas that have been suggested:

"Uncle" (one of my favorites)

"Red Light" (another excellent choice)

"Safe Word" (During the throws of passion during an intense scene, a sub may not remember the safe word. In this situation, you may actually want to use the words "Safe Word" as your safe word.)

"Rumba"

"Oklahoma"

"Rhubarb"

"Tomato"

The possibilities are endless.

Using Colors as Safe Words
Green. Yellow. Red. One way to use safe words in order to seek feedback without interrupting the scene is for the Dominant to ask the submissive, "What's your color?" The sub can reply "Yellow" meaning that he's nearing his limit, or "Green" if he wants to indicate that he's fine, or that he wouldn't mind if you pushed harder. And of course, he is to indicate "Red" if he's over the limit, and wants to stop the current activity.

One of the subs who visits this website shared that he and his Domme use two words. Without prompting from his Domme, he will say the first word, "Yellow Light" to indicate that he's nearing his limit, but doesn't want to stop, and the other "Red Light" means that the line has been crossed and it's time to stop immediately. (He reported that he has never had to use it so far).

Non-verbal Safe Words
What if your sub is gagged? In some circumstances, the safe word may not be an actual word, especially if he is unable to speak. In a situation like this, it's more critical than ever to have some communication signal worked out. The signal might be dropping a bell, or a ball, snapping his fingers. He could open and close his fingers from open hand to a fist repeatedly. He could make three rhythmic grunts as a signal. It's also common for a Domme to put a finger in her sub's hand to check in with him - In this case, the sub would squeeze her finger to indicate "OK".

Be Safe, Sane, and Stay Consensual
Above all, honor the safe word. If you even tease or joke that you might ignore it, you will lose the trust of your sub. Trust is something you both need. He needs to trust that you will honor his limits, and you need to trust that he will be honest and communicate effectively.

And please check out the other safety tips that I offer on this website as well. Enjoy your sessions, my dears.


PS. Sometimes new Dommes get stuck looking for the right safe word. Feel free to share your safe word ideas below.

 

Still need help?  Try the Mistress Manual or Rock His World with a Leather Outfit

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COMMENTS:

Safe Word Ideas
Authored by: Webmistress on April 22, 2010

I love the episode on Family Guy where Lois tells Peter, "The Safety Word is Banana." Then she hits him in the face.

Family Guy safety word

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
Authored by: mistress_diva on July 18, 2010

I am fairly new to this. I have played out scenes with boyfriends over the years, most have been complete pussy's...boring!...lol.

Anyway the word I have always used is 'marshmallows'. When you think of the situation you and your sub are in, it is intense pain, intense pleasure...intense, intense, intense.......

So my thought process on this is that marshmallows are light, fluffy and pink, (well I only eat the pink ones!). Marshmallows are far cry from the Domme/sub world and are something sweet and nice, something I am not...lol.

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
Authored by: Mistletoe on August 15, 2010

I have found that the more random, the better. I told my hubby that we needed random so we sat down and fired off words and sruck with our favorite, "giraffe" It's quite an ear catcher and doesn't rhyme with anything I know of, so there's no way I won't be able to hear him say it.

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
Authored by: Madame Sin on September 17, 2010

I really like the beatles, so my sub's safe words are...

Walrus- as in from 'I am the walrus'- indication that things are
getting a little too intense and I need to back off a bit.

Yellow Submarine- Stop!

---
Quit bitching, you know you like it.

Safe Word Ideas
Authored by: Mistress_Elisa on March 06, 2011

I agree that's what I was thinking. And that's the word I always thought of using cause of that episode. LOL

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
Authored by: Joy on September 18, 2011

My safe word has always been Orange, but I really like the idea of the color of lights. It seems very sexy to me to ask, "What's your color?" :)

And YES that episode of Family Guy was just funny as hell!!!! :)

Safe Word Ideas - for Dominatrix and sub
Authored by: mischirl on November 09, 2011

My words: "I will break you"
His words: "I'm broken."
I take the time to plan each event...
I take the time to analyze his pain....
Once I hear his words, I know he is no longer in control, if he doesn't want to take it to the next level, he will submit to my demands..
I love him even more to watch him break down.
The anxiety he is suffering is so intense.
I have rules that cannot be broken.


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