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How to Be a Dominatrix - Embracing Your Inner Bitch    
 Welcome to Arena Blaze
 October 24, 2014

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
The Art of AuthorityWhere does humiliation fit into domination?

Some subs want to be dominated without humiliation. While others specifically want to be humiliated. Is one possible without the other? Where exactly does humiliation fit into the picture? The answer is that humiliation is not really a part of domination any more than sex is. True and total humiliation involves no respect at all, and would actually be more along the line of sadomasochism than dominant/submissive relationships. But for our purposes here, being a playful Domme/sub relationship where the sub wants a little humiliation, let's see if we can sort this out for you...

Domination is about control, and about respect. You respect your sub by taking care of his (or her) needs in order that he may serve you. This includes safety, discipline, and training. In addition, since you are in control, your sub's well-being is completely your responsibility and you respect this as well. The sub respects his domme by submitting to her demands, learning from her discipline, and by being eager to serve. Most subs want to be loved, and are eager to receive reward treatment, especially when it is contrasted with well deserved punishment.

You may wonder how a powerful woman can have any respect for a man who is groveling, being spanked, tied up and getting off on being completely and utterly under someone else's control. But it truly is about respect -- respecting each one's place in the natural order of the relationship.

OK, so enough about respect. Let's talk humiliation. Humiliation is actually the total opposite of respect. If your sub is into humiliation and asks this of you, then you can respect that. (Is this getting too complicated?). Seriously, he will respect that only you can provide this need and fulfill it for him, and he will submit to you in any way you ask in order to be rewarded. As the Domme, you are in control and will decide how, if, and when to fulfill or withhold this need as reward or punishment. Watch how far you go with the humiliation -- how much does your sub really want, and if you go too far, you may wind up with a creature that is so low he isn't even fit to lick your boots.

Next, let's talk about specific acts that distinguish domination from humiliation. Domination might include barking orders at your sub, while humiliation is barking insults. Domination involves punishment as a means of discipline, while humiliation involves punishment for no reason at all or simply for the humiliator's entertainment. Domination can include restraints, restrictive clothing, whips and controlled posturing; Humiliation could include urinating, defecating, expectorating (spitting), and of course -- insulting.

If your pet wishes to be humiliated, it's entirely up to you as to whether you will fulfill this request. Remember, a happy pet is an obedient one. Meet his needs only just enough to keep him wanting more, and therefore eager to serve you.

Thank you to Mistress Eliza for her excellent question.

Indulge, Enjoy, Escape... Until Next Time --

~Mistress Blaze~

This article was a response to a question submitted by a reader. Thank you, dear reader. Without my readers' input, this site would not be possible.

If you would like to ask a question, suggest a story, or lesson or experience of your own, please send your contributions or questions here. Please share. Subs are welcome to ask questions too, with their mistress's premission of course. I might even let servantJ answer...if I feel like it.

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Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: Webmistress on July 29, 2008

Thanks for clearing things up.

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: chunkylips214 on February 28, 2009

Dear Mistress Blaze i respectfully request your help;

5 yrs ago i met a man who resides outside of the country, we had amazing sex for an entire day and have not seen him again. We have kept in touch through emails and such. Next month we are going on vacation for 5 days together and we have been talking about our sexual likes and dislikes. He says he likes to be dominated/humiliated, wants to give and receive golden showers, wants to Really punish me if i dont do or say the right thing etc. On my side i like the idea of controlling him but feel insucure since he is soo strong with his wants; i would love to give and receive a golden shower, would love to penetrate him with a toy etc... at the same time, i love to give pleasure and not sure this would make me a good Mistress.

As you can see, we both want to lead and be lead, we are all over the map, how can we do this the right way, so that during this 5 short days we can actually get somebodys fantasies met. Can one person effectively be the Mistress/Master one day and a sub the other?

Thank you for considering a response

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: marissafish on February 28, 2009

In my experience, it is possible for a Mistress to be the dominant one day then the next be the submissive.

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: Mistress_Blaze on February 28, 2009

My Dear Chunkylips,

Absolutely yes. It's best if you don't switch roles during a session, but day to day it certainly do-able. Also, just because you like to give pleasure doesn't make you a bad Mistress. If YOU like doing it, then YOU can do whatever YOU want, because YOU are in charge. There is certainly nothing wrong with rewarding a faithful and wonderfully submissive sub. In fact, teaching him discipline can certainly involve positive reinforcement as well as punishment. ENJOY.

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: headbangerchik on June 18, 2009

other than peeing and insulting, (the things u listed) what are some other ways i could really humuliate my slave?
hes down for almost anything i tell him to do..even drinking water out of a puddle in the road...
i just want some ideas as to what i can do to him..

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: miss x on February 10, 2011

hi there mistress blaze.
about a week ago a 24 y/o uni student contacted me asking if i have a position for a man-toy!

we have been communicating since then and im going to meet him in a few days time.

he says that he want to be my slave and hopefully eventually keep him!!

i am extremely keen on the idea and really want this to work, the only problem is i dont really know where to start. i have given him a set of rules to learn.

now im not sure where to go from here.
he says that he would love and respect me no mater how much i punished him or humilliated him. he is almost begging to be punished.

im a bit stuck for punishment ideas lol and was wondering if you could help??

miss x

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: slavepuppet4u on December 01, 2011

I think humiliation is the ultimate display of dominance. Humiliation is used to show the submissive who is boss. The Dom/Domme humiliates or humbles the sub in various ways which will put the sub in his/her place. For example, the Domme may order the male sub to wear panties and then punish the male by bending him over pulling down his panties and giving him a spanking. This is extremely humiliating to the male sub which shows him his place and that he does not wear the pants in the relationship. He is inferior and She is superior.

Lesson 4 - Domination vs Humiliation
Authored by: AkiraDraco on March 07, 2012

My boyfriend and I are into the Dom/ Sub. We switch off every
other day. I am just now getting into being more dom. I love
being the sub. He loves being the sub too. He has been the dom
more than me. I am trying to find the balance between my dom
side and my sub side.

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