Some subs want to be dominated without humiliation. While others specifically want to be humiliated. Is one possible without the other? Where exactly does humiliation fit into the picture?
The answer is that humiliation is not really a part of domination any more than sex is. True and total humiliation involves no respect at all, and would actually be more along the line of sadomasochism than dominant/submissive relationships. But for our purposes here, being a playful Domme/sub relationship where the sub wants a little humiliation, let's see if we can sort this out for you...
Domination is about control, and about respect. You respect your sub by taking care of his (or her) needs in order that he may serve you. This includes safety, discipline, and training. In addition, since you are in control, your sub's well-being is completely your responsibility and you respect this as well. The sub respects his domme by submitting to her demands, learning from her discipline, and by being eager to serve. Most subs want to be loved, and are eager to receive reward treatment, especially when it is contrasted with well deserved punishment.
You may wonder how a powerful woman can have any respect for a man who is groveling, being spanked, tied up and getting off on being completely and utterly under someone else's control. But it truly is about respect -- respecting each one's place in the natural order of the relationship.
OK, so enough about respect. Let's talk humiliation. Humiliation is actually the total opposite of respect. If your sub is into humiliation and asks this of you, then you can respect that. (Is this getting too complicated?). Seriously, he will respect that only you can provide this need and fulfill it for him, and he will submit to you in any way you ask in order to be rewarded. As the Domme, you are in control and will decide how, if, and when to fulfill or withhold this need as reward or punishment. Watch how far you go with the humiliation -- how much does your sub really want, and if you go too far, you may wind up with a creature that is so low he isn't even fit to lick your boots.
Next, let's talk about specific acts that distinguish domination from humiliation. Domination might include barking orders at your sub, while humiliation is barking insults. Domination involves punishment as a means of discipline, while humiliation involves punishment for no reason at all or simply for the humiliator's entertainment. Domination can include restraints, restrictive clothing, whips and controlled posturing; Humiliation could include urinating, defecating, expectorating (spitting), and of course -- insulting.
If your pet wishes to be humiliated, it's entirely up to you as to whether you will fulfill this request. Remember, a happy pet is an obedient one. Meet his needs only just enough to keep him wanting more, and therefore eager to serve you.
Thank you to Mistress Eliza for her excellent question.
Indulge, Enjoy, Escape... Until Next Time --
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