My Dear Mistress Princess Stess,

Lack of confidence is often the main obstacle that a new Domme has to overcome. I can assure that there is an easy solution to get you off on the right foot. It is two words: Safety Word

Establish your safety word. This is for YOUR security as well as your submissive's. You will feel very secure with WHATEVER you are doing knowing that at any time he can use the safety word if it is more than he can handle. As long as you don't hear it, you know that you are on the right track, or at least not off the track you are looking for.

So, establish your word before anything else. Make sure it's not a word he might accidentally use in a playful "begging you to stop" scene, such as "stop". Make it an arbitrary word, or one that he will need to deliberately remember, such as "mercy". Tell him the word. Order him to repeat it. Ask him again what the word is. Ask him again. And again. And again! Make sure he understands how to use this safety net if necessary. Determine in advance if the use of the word means that you will both stop the scene entirely, or if you are to just stop the immediate activity.

Once he understands how to use the safety word, then you can proceed with confidence and begin exploring your new realm as a Domme. Enjoy, my dear....

~~~ Mistress Blaze ~~~

A safe word is good, 2 is better. My mistress and I use yellow for "I love what's going on but your getting close." We also use "red flag" for "STOP EVERYTHING." Red is not optional. She needs to untie and cease everything without delay. I've never used it. Even if I cry "Holy crap, your killing me" she will laugh at me but she will also suggest the safe word. If a safe word is called it's not the end of the world, it's an opportunity to learn and get better at it. It's like playing house except now he needs you to be a his rapist (ok, your consenting but pretend to be)

To borrow from Start Trek we have a state of mind called "Sub Space" that we really desire (female subs go there too). We need a hard enough spanking or humiliation to go there and subs need to trust you to take us there so please do so.

You need to get something out of it too (a dom space so to speak) so go ahead and take the hairbrush to his butt and make him (or her) beg and cry. Throw a leg over his legs to control his squirming. Make bargains at this point. Make him agree to do something humiliating.

Afterward, while cooling down, talk and find out what went well and what may be better left to fantasy. This is a good way to tune your next session.

You finish saying "only satisfying my needs". Believe me, one way or another, your partner will derive almost all of his pleasure by seeing, feeling, scenting, tasting, and hearing YOUR pleasure.

You will become the center of his existence, so don't be afraid to put yourself first. Try it gently and see. Enjoy!

I sort of have the same predicament as you.
I'm very new to the whole Dom/sub scene and have always been a sub.
I have decided to "switch" as it were to please my boyfriend.

Through reading this website...which is excellent by the way... I have come to see some of the problems we have been having.

We have always started the scene with him being tied up straight away and not setting up rules for it.

Im hoping that by doing this:
Setting up a guideline as to how you want the scene to go.
Implementing rules at the beginning so he knows who is boss.
Setting up boundaries; "If you do this, THIS happens."
That the scene will go much better.

I'm a bit of a softy too but I know that if I plan something enough then I can have control of a situation, so maybe plan what you want to happen in the scene and keep it on hand to refer to when you have your slave blindfolded.

Good Luck

well i to is new to this i can flirt my but off ,then talk the talk but when it comes to playing the part i backs out of it .i have a new freind that i am playing with off and on .but don't have a clue to what's next ...i have so many ideal running around in my head.need help

like i said before i am new to these.i have always felt like this is what i wanted to do.to be a Dominatrix...until i was reading this book whip appeal...mind stared to wonder..can i do this .Yes i can..need alittle push...how do i find pets?

I started to be with a guy almost a year ago. One day he started calling me his Mistress. I didn't know what to think of it as I had never tried to dominate a fly let alone anyone else. I have always been told I had a big heart and also I have very low self esteem as I am not the smallest woman in the world. Here in lies my problem. I feel I lack the confidence in dominating him in the way he wants me to. I have never really be a very verbal person when it comes to anything in the bedroom. Please! If anyone can please tell me what I can do other than blindfold him to help me gain the confidence to be a good Dom to him I would appreciate it!!!

I can say this, my self esteem is definitely sky rocketed after a
good play time with my beast. Having him under my command
and knowing his adoring it and wanting more gives you the
feeling of being the center of his very world. It not only convinces
him that your his goddess but it convinces you as well.

Remember that doing this pleases him just as much as it pleases
you. Don't be afraid to embrace your dark side. It's only going to
make him like it more.

---
Quit bitching, you know you like it.

My wife is new to dominating me. She enjoys controlling me in
every way: I do all the house chores, she controls all finances,
she can touch me whenever and wherever she wants while I am
not allowed, controls our sex life, etc. She recently began tying
me every time we have sex. She enjoys foreplay: pinching my
nipples, scratching my balls, tickling, taunting, etc. But she
needs some more ideas about what to do with me when I am
restrained. What ideas can you give her for this?